Sunday, January 29, 2017

That void

Sunday, January 29, 2017
Between our imagination
And
Our entire capacity to express,
There was, is and always will be
A void!

For that's where differences found their initial shape
And now exist
As system,
As religion,
As hierarchy,
As choices,
As options,
As illusions of good old past
And as hopes of a better future.

For no matter what
A book read
was always beautiful
than the movie watched

Sunday, May 1, 2016

As happy as meaningless

Sunday, May 1, 2016
...at times when we are on a quest and come walking ahead.
Up until somewhere.
And the search couldn't end.
The path? it did!
So we sit and smile.
At us and the world behind.
Thinking,"how important can meaningless be".

And I'll be home, in a little while.
I'll be

Friday, November 27, 2015

if future has a day like this

Friday, November 27, 2015
Certain experiences you can't survive
and afterwards you don't fully exist.
even if you failed to die.
                                                             -Nic Pizzolatto

Friday, November 20, 2015

still without reasons

Friday, November 20, 2015
When I did this last I thought it’s after a long long time I came up with a thought! Whatever that was.
Today when I post and look back; a greater longer period of time has gone by and it doesn’t even feel anything. Seems like one is capable of experiencing that 'delayed' feeling just once; and that is all. Done for lifetime!
After anything happened, it’s gone forever.
After anything began it was gone.

In history it went away, in future it will go away.

I heard of wastelands, creative block, no wheres, nothings…
Seems like I was happier then…
Seems like I am not as happy as I used to be once.
Seems like petty things have higher impact now.
My creative blog seems to be a personal diary and the thrill of writing so meaningless…

Does anything matter at all! Has anything ever?
I don’t even know five names going back in time in my own family tree!

Once I didn’t care and liked the sharp turns of nature. Seems like that professor wasn’t demeaning us. Seems like he tried showing us the larger share of probability. Seems like he wanted to say, ‘so what you get it right without a calculator!’, all names of higher reputation, similar and small were forgotten. No one from past ever matter.


‘Everything that rises must converge’ features the Handsome family playing it live somewhere in Limerick recently. Somehow that’s the only thing that matters but we all want to be useful. Meaningful. We all thrive to matter. There’s a pursuit to be at the glorious part of probability. It's huge! It's stupid. And clever are those who kept safe and still are on path of glory. We also call them lucky.


People came and people went away and one thing never changed: They came with needs and that was always a normal thing. That also will always be. Yet you started finding reasons in it. You initiated the feeling in yourself that it was special. And you always knew the reality. You always knew in your heart that illusions look special and yet you went for it. You wanted it to be real for you. You just closed your eyes and shut down your senses. You began believing. You hoped. You saw dreams and saw the universe revolving around you.

You don’t feel sad when a show is over. The show however beautiful it was didn’t matter to you after all.You shouldn’t feel sad when what you wished would last; didn’t.

It won’t!
You are a dust. It's a huge universe outside. That won't change.
You don’t matter. No one ever did!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Somewhere...Somethings

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The thought has been feeling arbitrary for some time.
Absurd!
At times…Thoughtless. Always won’t stand wrong either.

Whenever this thought observes me at peace it finds an inability to form something.
It finds a blank, it stops to notice and then it gets confirmed that it’s a blank. And whenever it stops I am lost. I am lost even when I don’t stop.
Seems to me a destination of some kind.
There has been restlessness for a time so long and it feels I am getting immune to it. Rather it doesn't feel anything.

I seek answers but I don’t strive for them.
Tends towards never!
Letting things happen to you doesn't seem such a good idea. The moment again is so instantaneous.
I feel nowhere. Delayed!

I search for places… People too!
I don’t know why I search these. I have a hope that answers may be there however.
I select and it comes out to be so wrong.
Has been some time… feels like going somewhere.
Going away!
Somewhere.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

That what you said last December...were that You?

Saturday, September 10, 2011
"Its here"
Whatever you have come across, read around, found within and elsewhere,
the heavens and the hell - whatever they are; they are all here!

"Someone else spoke this to me through my friend; as i still think sometimes."
It wasn't usual to have a discussion of that kind among us otherwise. We usually are people with fun being the only stuff to get together. That wise getting serious is not so much of a happening stuff anytime; although that night, sometimes mid-December, someplace at Park Street, a chilly winter with the night crawling like a black creepy reptile and the thin needles of mild frost piercing it and forcing it take longer than usual to get done with.

While sitting behind my biker friend i was kind of preoccupied for obvious reasons that by the time we would be at Tollygunge, i must have gone stone and that thin blanket back at home wasn't probably gonna help anymore; no matter even it was set on fire!

"Hey Buddy! Look! Look at that one there! God!"
and the bike went down a few shifts of gears, a huge deceleration and the wheels roughed the roads as if a slave dragged by some harsh master.

And we saw a person almost in no clothes when we were in jackets- shivering; saw him holding big sheets of plastics those to shade customers in those book and magazine outlets. He lit those bits of paper and dry leaves which he collected all evening.

What was about to burn longer thereafter; was what I was already thinking by now. "what would be it my friend, those bits of paper or that hope of his that those will last the whole night? "

"...don't you think we are blessed of some kind; we got no debts to clear, we buy whatever we find, and that person there- It's unfair isn't it"


Meanwhile another person came selling mouth freshening chewing gums, asked us to buy a few as it would be useful someday if not now, as for him he couldn't sell a single of those the entire day.
"Take one Sir; ten bucks only. Use it another day. Didn't sell a single today."

I wasn't out of the last one and this came up too.

And then an angel called up to say she loves me.

I saw i couldn't get rid of the seriousness everywhere; and my eyes raised themselves to my friend. It seemed he had been thinking similar and this is what I heard...

"Its all here my friend, whatever we think of is to happen after death is what actually is happening in front of our not-noticing eyes"
"Truth is here"
"He is what he has done before, you are what you had done before"
"Nothings about to happen... its all simply happening"
"Deeds...all deeds."

I didn't utter a word thereafter. I felt a dead silence warming up my spine against whatever was taking it away before. My ears touched something heavenly for sure.

'That what you just spoke my friend was not you speaking it, I know. Someone else did that in your voice. Or were it you?'

I still sleep some of my nights thinking of those.

Friday, April 29, 2011

A letter of love

Friday, April 29, 2011
Far of at borders; what a soldier feels looking at his wallet..
Years of patience held by a traveler with that portrait of home in senses..

Even those staring at office clock
so that it ticks to the hour when you get back..

They all speak the same...

I too have that old feeling
yet again so new

and oh' my dear
on your birthday
I'm missing you

Maybe to wish a greet
but sure to say that I love you